Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
