he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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