So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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