Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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