You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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