This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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