Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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