When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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