sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
