so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
