I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
