Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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