I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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