I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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