I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
