New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
