you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
