It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
