He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
