i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
