There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
