Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
