well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
