I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
