I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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