I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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