'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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