He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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