I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
