that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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