Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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