You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize