saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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