Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
