I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
