She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
