i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
