obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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