It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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