Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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