You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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