I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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