So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
then he tried to convert me to islam
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no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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