Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award