fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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