We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
