I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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