You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
