cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize