I have demons in me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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