the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
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His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
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You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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