I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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