Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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