Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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