he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
