I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
