if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
