i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
