so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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