Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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