This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
