Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
where are my eyebrows?
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